Grumpy Old Man (Items 11 – 15)…

All this chat about Room 101 is making me want to read Nineteen Eighty-Four again, but while I ponder that, here are a few more annoyances…

  • Facebook (in general), but specifically those people who have an insatiable hunger to post pictures of food that they are about to consume. Trust me; Gordon Ramsay’s job is safe, because most of those plates look about as appetising as a bucket of wallpaper paste. And while the description of roast chicken, my fave, mmm, is actually quite helpful – because until I read that I wasn’t sure if that overcooked mess was animal, vegetable, or mineral – there is less of a requirement for a caption of bday cake. All those candles and that crudely iced inscription kind of tipped me off there.
  • While I’m thinking about Facebook: I’d like to get rid of those (usually female) users who update their status with inane drivel like: I’m so sad, or boo hoo, or that old keyboard classic of 😦 , and then wait until a raft of followers ask them what’s wrong, before actually divulging what their issue is. It’s either a) my boyfriend dumped me, b) I can’t get in to my skinny jeans, or c) heavy periods. Guys don’t do that: they just post shit about cars, getting wasted, and how many chicks they scored with on the weekend. Classy.
  • Able-bodied, physically-capable people, who get in an elevator to go up or down one floor, especially when they’re not carrying anything heavy. And I don’t mean those people who jump in because they just happen to be passing when the elevator doors open. No. I’m talking about the ones who have pressed the button and have stood there and waited for it. Just use the stairs! I know you know where they are, because you passed them to get to the lift in the first place.
  • Teenagers who only recognise songs as being performed by the flavour-of-the-month group or artist currently in the charts. You just know their heads would explode (which may not be a bad idea) if you told them that One Way or Another was actually not an original One Direction song, or that Word Up charted almost thirty years before Little Mix got their poptastic hands on it. Whether or not they are good cover versions is irrelevant, but at least have the courtesy to acknowledge a song’s roots and not pretend otherwise.
  • Cyclists who assume they can double as road users and pedestrians, using whichever rules please them at the time, depending on traffic conditions/weather/how they are feeling.

Come on – I’m not the only one…

…am I?

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