Why? *

Because I was driving to my tennis match after work last week, when the sublime intro for Black Cat – my favourite JJ song – came on the radio, just as I was approaching a junction. I knew I was supposed to go straight ahead, but – because the volume was pinned to the max, and I was playing a rather awesome air guitar while I crawled through the rush-hour traffic – I took a left instead… which is the way I go at least once a day for work.

I was on auto-pilot, but left wasn’t going to get me there.

No problem, I thought. There will be a turn off soon, and I will just take that instead. So I went back to singing: all those lonely nights, I spend alone; never round to love me, you’re always gone, but when the song had finished, four-minutes-and-forty-seven seconds later, I was still driving at something approaching eighty miles an hour, along the same road, furiously looking for my exit.

I eventually took a random exit just to get me off the road I knew to be wrong, and fumbled my way back to where I was meant to be twenty minutes ago. This was followed by a terrifying journey along what must be one of the narrowest and most convoluted roads in the British Isles, to get to the tennis courts…

…where we scraped a draw.

So, Janet: if you’re reading this, just round it up to £2 and we’ll call it even. Thanks.

* calculations available upon request.