Category Archives: Lists

Friday Fiction Fixes #7…

Fractured by Dawn Barker – 2012

41JyPraThoL.SX316This is something I would not have picked up under regular circumstances, but sometimes the irregular can be good. Last year I played a lot of poker, and I would almost always be seen at the tables with a book… because where better to read than a casino, right?

James, an acquaintance I regularly play with, mentioned that his daughter writes, and would I like to read something that she had written. I admit, I didn’t take his suggestion all that seriously at first, because plenty of people have approached me over the years with similar requests, and it has turned out to be little more than a few scribbles on some napkins. As it turned out, this was substantially more than a few scribbles.

Fractured is Dawn’s debut novel. It’s an emotional drama about what is probably one of the toughest situations a family – and especially, a mother – can go through, and it was probably the best thing I read in 2016. Sure, it’s primarily aimed at women (and I’m not one of them), and parents (and I’m not one of those either), but the intensity and the psychological aspects of the story can be appreciated by everyone, and any piece of fiction that manages to bring others in has got to be worth the price of admission.

I was all prepared to put my poker face to good use and tell James that his daughter’s novel was pretty good, but it turned out to be an unnecessary bluff as it really is a fine read.

And in a final (non-commissioned) plug, you can check her out over here.

Tuesday TV Testimonials #7…

Noel’s House Party (1991 – 1999)

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Noel Edmonds and his sidekick…

Light entertainment shows are a bit scarce these days, and the genre has been all but forgotten in recent years. It won’t mean anything to anybody outside the UK, but in the nineties, if you weren’t out on a Saturday evening, you were in watching Noel’s House Party – probably the greatest show of its kind to come out of that decade. Yes, it was that good.

It’s a difficult show to describe, because there’s really nothing like it nowadays. Broadcast live, it was a semi-scripted show, set in an old mansion in the fictional village of Crinkley Bottom (yes, the ‘Carry On’ style humour was on full display – Noel’s House Party was as English as tea and crumpets). Each hour long episode would have regular segments, including short comedy skits, prize giveaways, pranks, phone in competitions, and of course, the ever popular gunge tank. I know, it sounds awful, but it had a singular charm that has not been replicated since. Noel Edmonds was the perfect host, and the format probably would have struggled under anyone else’s control.

In later years, Mr Blobby – the silly, pink and yellow polka dot character introduced in the second series in a supporting role – began to take up more and more space on the show, and the show began to steer south as a result. Blobby even had his own chart-topping single at one point, but the less said about that travesty the better.

With all the television reboots happening these days, I’m surprised nobody has brought this one back yet, but it’s a different audience now, and unfortunately I don’t think Noel’s House Party would work in 2017. Somewhere along the line, television forgot how to be fun. It’s true: they don’t make ’em like they used to.

Monday Movie Mentions #7…

Hard Candy (2005)

fw8pthimThis is a brutal movie, and it doesn’t apologise for it. Nor is there that saccharine sweet ending that you would expect from a Hollywood movie made in the last two decades. It’s a disturbing, intense, psychological thriller, that closes in a darker place than it began.

Ellen Page – one of my favourite actresses, in this, her first leading role – was only seventeen when Hard Candy was being filmed, and given the subject matter, that says a lot about her maturity and acting ability.

She shines here as a fourteen year old girl who spends time chatting online to a man she knows to be a paedophile, in order to give him what is coming his way. The script cleverly flips the obvious predator and prey scenario early on and calls for us, the viewer, to cheer for her as she stalks, corners, and brutalises him throughout the duration of the movie.

Hard Candy is tightly written and well acted, and there are no explosions or special effects to cause any undue distraction… and it also has something to say about society and where we are now. It’s certainly not for everyone, but it’s a cult movie that deserves to be seen – and appreciated – by many more people.

Sunday Song Suggestions #7…

Regulate – Warren G, featuring Nate Dogg – 1994

I’m not known for my love of rap, but there are a few tunes that have slipped under the radar and got me to listen over the years, and this is one of them. Few songs remind me of my college days more than Regulate, and this one takes me right back there, studying for an Accounts exam that I knew I would fail so badly, that I ended up not even turning up to do it, and I spent the day at the beach instead.

Of course, back in those days, I didn’t know that it sampled I Keep Forgettin’ (Every Time You’re Near) by Michael McDonald from 1982, but such is the nature of the genre. Shame for Michael, because it’s hard for me to listen to his track now without ending up back here with these two guys.

I couldn’t name another Warren G or Nate Dogg song, which is surprising, because having listened to this one on a veritable loop during the darker months of 1994, you would think I’d have investigated their respective catalogues. Hell, I’ve never even seen the Tupac Shakur movie, Above the Rim, that features heavily in the video. As such, I am definitely a surface fan of the genre, and you certainly won’t find me knee deep in the underground rap scene.

Still, Regulate always brings me a smile.

One of them dames was sexy as hell
I said “ooh, I like your size.”
She said, “my car’s broke down and you seem real nice,
would ya let me ride?”
I got a car full of girls and it’s going real swell
the next stop is the Eastside Motel.

Lyrics to live by, people. Lyrics to live by.

Friday Fiction Fixes #6…

The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham – 1951

John Wyndham_1951_The Day Of The TriffidsI have read a couple of Wyndham novels, but fifties classic The Day of the Triffids was my introduction to him. When I was fourteen my English teacher tasked us with reading the book, which turned out to be one of the better literary choices I was given in high school. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that the following year, when I had to write a report on a novel, I chose this one.

Twenty-five years later, and I still have that report. Actually, for some reason I have three versions of it, the first of which is footnoted with a rather scathing teacher’s comment, that begins like this:

As I read, Brian, I began to feel more and more uneasy. I suspect you have relied very heavily on the intro to D of the T or some study guide.

…and ends like this:

Your review is totally devoid of quotes. You need to reference throughout to evidence from within the text to back up your extremely sweeping statements.

The fact that I tried to be edgy by titling it, The Day of the Triffids: A Textual Appreciation, probably didn’t help my chances, and with great stuff such as:

It is made up of many chapters of varying lengths.

…it’s difficult to argue the lack of effort I put in to the essay, which is a shame, because I really did enjoy the story. It was the first time I had dabbled with science fiction, but the post-apocalyptic premise grabbed me from the start, and the strong emphasis on character development over the typical sci-fi stereotypes, made the prose accessible and engaging to genre virgins like me.

So, after a quarter of a century it would appear that I still haven’t grasped how to write an in-depth analysis of The Day of the Triffids, but trust me – I’ve read it. And it’s good.

Tuesday TV Testimonials #6…

Midnight Caller (1988 – 1991)

This is a somewhat overlooked classic from the late eighties that I don’t expect many of you to remember. I was barely a teenager when I started watching this, but I was hooked from the start… even though it was undoubtedly aimed at a more mature demographic. Maybe it was the seedy nature and inherent darkness of the show; or more immediately, it could have been the sexy blues and jazz inspired theme. Either way, I remember it fondly, and it was one of my favourites growing up.

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Gary Cole has gone on to do a lot of television and movies since this (and he had done a lot before), but Midnight Caller is where he really cut his acting chops. He played ‘The Nighthawk’ Jack Killian, a former cop who has decided to try his hand as a talk radio host, while investigating his callers’ problems on the side. Trust me – before the internet took over the world, talk radio was becoming quite the thing. In that regard it was very much a product of its place in time, and it would probably be difficult to replicate in 2017.

At just over sixty episodes, Midnight Caller didn’t have a particularly long run, and it isn’t remembered fondly or even often in TV retrospectives, but – by tackling difficult and controversial subjects – it was quite a progressive show for the sometimes sterile and saccharine eighties, and one deserving of a little more love than it gets.

And with that, for the few Midnight Caller fans still out there who will appreciate the reference, good night America… wherever you are.

Monday Movie Mentions #6…

Way Out West (1937)

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The classic title card.

I have been a great fan of Laurel & Hardy for many years, and this feature is widely regarded as their finest effort. I have a few other suggestions for that spot, but it’s certainly a solid choice.

A long time ago I introduced one of my ex-girlfriends to Way Out West (and the comedy duo in general) and she memorably shrugged indifferently and said to me, “I’ve seen Steve Martin do that”, as if somehow Laurel & Hardy had travelled forward in time, watched a bunch of Martin’s movies and then gone back to film their interpretation in black and white. To this day I still don’t know if she was pulling my leg!

Eighty years after Way Out West, and there is still no double act that has the same chemistry or comic timing as the original masters of the art, and that perhaps says as much about Laurel & Hardy as performers as it does about the progress of cinema since they stopped making movies.

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“Eat the hat.”

From the running gag of Stan using his thumb as a lighter, to the scene where he eats Ollie’s hat after losing a wager, to Ollie’s continual breaking of the fourth wall by looking into the camera in frustration at his partner, Way Out West is a classic of the genre that deserves its place in history.

I know it’s difficult for the current generation to go back and check out these old movies, but I rewatched this one last week, and if you approach it with an open mind, I think you’ll find that it holds up surprisingly well.

But do yourself a favour and watch it in the original black and white form – those colourised versions are (for the most part) cheap and tacky.

Sunday Song Suggestions #6…

Chains – Tina Arena – 1994

When I was younger I used to exercise more than I do these days. Actually, scratch that last bit: when I was younger, I used to exercise. Period. Anyway, for some reason, Chains – which I had bought on disc just before – is what I would put on for my daily sit-up session. Lying on my bedroom floor, feet hooked under the bed, there was eighteen year old me training for my own personal Rocky montage.

With a powerful voice and a heavy soul influence, Tina Arena didn’t fit the familiar Antipodean pop mould that was in vogue at the time. She had more in common with the then current crop of respected vocal gymnasts, such as Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, and Mariah Carey, but she only enjoyed a fraction of their successes.

Chains was released in 1994, and although Tina Arena had been popular in Australia while I had been living there, it had been about four years since I had heard anything from her, and this was her first release in the UK. Unfortunately, she slipped out of favour here rather quickly thereafter, and this is probably the only song most locals will associate with her.

It’s been a while, but I may just have to throw in a few sit-ups, for old times sake.

Friday Fiction Fixes #5…

The Ash-Tree by MR James – 1904

MRJames1900It’s very difficult to read stories of this vintage – even those written by a deity of the supernatural genre such as MR James – after spending any length of time with modern authors. It takes a while to acclimatise to the differences in language and the way that the story itself has been put together, but stick with it – it’s a worthwhile excursion.

In some regards it is an unfair comparison, because it’s apples and oranges. MR James was writing at a time when readers did not have the attention span of a gnat. The Ash-Tree – about an inherited English estate with a cursed history – is only 5400 words, but James, one of the most atmospheric writers of his generation, manages to pack more in to that word count than many twenty-first century authors could do with four times the length.

The Ash-Tree was published in 1904 in James’ first collection of shorts, Ghost Stories if an Antiquary, and the full text is available to read for free online here, if you want to give it a look.

Tuesday TV Testimonials #5…

Rocko’s Modern Life (1993 – 1996)

Rocko_title_cardCartoons play a large part in the lives of many children, but Rocko’s Modern Life – featuring an impetuous wallaby and his group of often neurotic, anthropomorphic friends – didn’t even begin broadcasting until I was seventeen. In fact, in a sombre kiss with history, I was watching an episode when the news of Princess Diana’s death broke, on the 31st August, 1997, and interrupted the show.

Rocko_WallabyWith the exception of one other television show – which I will get to later in this series – Rocko’s Modern Life was the only cartoon that I followed when I was, well… too old to really be following cartoons. The thing that appealed to me about Rocko and his buddies is that their target audience was never children. Sure, it was an original Nickelodeon production, but the crudely drawn characters and rough-around-the-edges animation fed into some adult humour that was often filled with innuendo and suggestion. Unfortunately, because of that, its mainstream success was ultimately limited.

It was very clever, at a time when that kind of thing was hard to find. Even now, twenty years later, there really isn’t anything like it. If you haven’t seen it, and you are in the mood for a little animated subversion, you could do a lot worse than this cult classic.