Whenever I have the audacity to question what a woman is wearing – and I appreciate I am on shaky ground by doing so – the reply is usually: “it’s the fashion”, as it was earlier this afternoon. I think women like to fool themselves, and use that as a standard response whenever a man raises an eyebrow at their attire.

However I can assure you, it is not the fashion, nor does it do anything for you; and even if it is the fashion – and you know because you saw Adriana Lima rock it on the catwalk in Milan – it doesn’t therefore mean it looks fantastic on your outsized frame. Yes, heads will turn to look, but trust me, it’s not because they think you look good. The women do not envy you and the men do not want to get with you. It’s like people slowing down to look at an accident by the roadside.

Wear something appropriate… please.