Tag Archives: Dumb

People Are All Kinds of Dumb #9…

This one goes to one of my young work colleagues… one who should probably remain nameless after this little inquiry. So let’s just call him Kieran.

“Don’t you think Dwayne Johnson and The Rock look like the same person?”, he asked.

Yes. They do.

I asked Kieran if he was serious, at which point he questioned whether or not he was thinking of the right… people.

Now, in his defence it would appear that he is not the only one who doesn’t know that The Rock and Dwayne Johnson do indeed share a passport, but I figured that someone in their early twenties would have their finger a little more directly on the pop culture pulse than he apparently does.

I wonder if he knows that J Lo is really just Jennifer Lopez.

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People Are All Kinds of Dumb #8…

I’m aware that the people of the United States are apt to walk a little on the silly side from time to time, but making a goat the mayor of your town is a bit of a stretch, even for them. Except – in the absence of a compelling human candidate – that’s just what the people of Fair Haven, Vermont did earlier this month.

All right, it’s not quite as stupid as that, but it’s not that far off the mark.

Fair Haven is not a mayoral town therefore the post Рwon by a three year old Nubian goat called Lincoln, who collected more votes than any of his competitors; including dogs, cats, and a gerbil called Crystal Рis purely an honourary thing, kind of like a mascot but with the power to raise taxes. 

The whole thing was done to raise money to build a local playground, although they only brought in about a hundred bucks, so that will barely cover the cost of the shovels required to start the digging.

I can get with the sentiment though. It’s a worthy cause and a quirky way to go about paying for it, but when the Town Manager, Joseph Gunter claimed that the election was: “a good way to get the kids involved in local government”, I was suddenly reminded of what we were talking about.

People Are All Kinds of Dumb #7…

The family tree and how each branch interacts with each other always makes for interesting conversation. Who is your second cousin? Who is your third cousin twice removed? Are you allowed to marry your uncle? It’s this last question that got me thinking, which then led me down this rabbit hole.

Sologamy. The act of marrying yourself is a trend that is growing in popularity, because I guess that finding a life-partner really has become a chore in 2019. It’s not legal, of course, or recognised by any court in any land, but the fact that I’m even mentioning it here is head-shakingly crazy. Having said that, this is a world in which Tudder is a thing, so maybe not so much.

I always thought self-love involved my hand and my penis, but this kind of gratification is on a whole different level. What happens if you decide that you can no longer get along with yourself and want to go your separate ways? Maybe you can’t you stand the sight of yourself anymore. Do you have to present yourself with divorce papers? Find a solicitor and split the cost?

And the kids – what happens to them?

So many questions…


People Are All Kinds of Dumb #6…

Companionship and compatibility can be extremely difficult to find, which is (at least partly) why dating websites are so popular these days. But let us not forget that all animals crave love, and cows are certainly no exception.

Introducing Tudder – a matchmaking application… for cattle.

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Yes, it’s real. I downloaded the app just to make sure, which is where the screenshot came from. As you may have guessed, you swipe left if you’re not interested or right if you want to moo-ve the relationship along. Both are coupled with bovine sound effects, which is a cute touch.

There are approximately 50,000 cows on there, searching for their soul mate. That’s right. Fifty thousand. And while it is oddly more curiously compelling to judge a cow based purely on their aesthetics than it is a person, it is no less reductive.

I’m not really sure what that says about me, but one thing is certain: the whole thing is udderly ridiculous.

Sorry.

People Are All Kinds of Dumb #5…

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, there’s no better article to highlight than this one, about a guy in New Zealand who is trying to flog his romantic services for money. It’s basically prostitution without the sex, although even that can be negotiated for a price.

Peter Wilding is – subjectively, of course – an average looking man, who seemingly possesses an above average sense of humour as well. He has a great variety of available packages for any girl who takes up his offer (and yes, he does specify he is only interested in members of the opposite sex). His deals start from as little as $15 for a one-hour morning meet-up, and go all the way up to a fifteen-hour overnight combo for a whopping $150.

It’s an attention-grabbing idea for sure, but whether it’s a desperate troll for love or money or both, once you put the silliness of it all to one side, it’s a little creepy and certainly open to abuse and conflict.

Maybe next year, just find a girl the old-fashioned way, Peter. Go to a bar and get a girl drunk like a normal bloke.

People Are All Kinds of Dumb #4…

I have a PlayStation 4, along with over 90 million others. It’s a few years old now, but it’s a cool piece of kit, still very much sought after. So much so, in fact, that this guy in France couldn’t resist trying to pick one up for a little over ¬£8.

Now, full disclosure, sometimes The Girlfriend© will buy half a dozen loose Granny Smith apples from Tesco (other supermarket chains are available) and bag them as onions, so I appreciate that my horse is not particularly high here, but this kid has balls like grapefruits to think his idea of retail thievery would work.

In defence of my own indiscretions, I’m never there when she does it. But I shouldn’t be surprised: she is from Fife after all.

People Are All Kinds of Dumb #2…

Couples on the precipice of marriage can be strange beasts indeed. Maybe it’s the suffocating thought that they will soon (officially) be a we instead of just an I, or maybe it’s something a lot less tangible than that, but once that date looms on the calendar all of those not-so-perfect traits come out like cream from a freshly-baked profiterole.

It’s a long way down from that cliff-edge, so you have to forgive a little silliness along the way, but these guys are just asking for trouble.

For example, at the dinner, guests will be required to answer a mathematical question in order to find out where they sit. Every guest/couple will be presented with a unique, bespoke question: its difficulty and subject matter drawn directly from what we know their mathematical background to be.

So says the Facebook post.

All right, fine – maybe most of their guests play on a similar field and it will all be a bit of a laugh, but surely not everyone on their list has quadratic equations coursing through their veins. What about cousin Johnny who dropped out of college to pursue a career in the fast food industry; or that one friend who hasn’t put down his guitar since second grade because he always knew he was going to be the next Hendrix? What question do they get?

Everyone wants to feel clever, and absolutely nobody wants to be have their intelligence questioned, especially by people they would count as their friends and family…

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…and I’m damn sure nobody wants to have to put in a study session before they shine their shoes and head off to the church.