People Are All Kinds of Dumb #15…
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Tag Archives: Dumb
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #14…
Of course, they say that any publicity is good publicity, so perhaps this English hair salon has struck upon an odd (albeit potentially devastating) effort at self-promotion.
According to the new rules implemented at said hairdresser, anyone over 176 centimetres (or five foot eight inches in old money), or whose hair extends beyond ‘bra-strap length’ will incur an extra cost if they wish to get their hair cut.
I am certainly no hairdresser, and I won’t pretend to know the difference between a duck tail and a pompadour, but surely the price of your cut should have nothing to do with the length of your hair when you walk into the shop. You take a pair of scissors and snip – how that process differs for someone whose hair is cut close to their ears and for another whose locks are long enough to tickle their asshole is beyond me.
And even more oddly – why is five foot eight inches the cut off point? That’s not even an extraordinary height. Five foot eight is just a fairly standard height for a human. Now, if you were telling me that you didn’t want to cut the hair of someone who was eight foot tall… that’s at least a reason I can theoretically get behind. But truth be told, I don’t actually understand why the height of the subject is of any consequence, because surely the hair you’re cutting is attached to a head that is sitting in a seat anyway.
I’m over six foot, so I guess I won’t be going there anytime soon.
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #12…
So, is that a chainsaw in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Actually, yes. It’s a chainsaw.
I understand that many of us cannot afford to buy those things we need, but when you’re resorting to stuffing a chainsaw down your trousers, maybe you need to reevaluate things.
The fact that the guy managed to walk, let alone exit the store with the chainsaw still down his pants, probably says more about the staff and security’s ineptitude than it does about his prowess as a thief.
They guy is still at large, at the time of blogging, but they have some pretty clear footage of him, so he shouldn’t be too hard to find… especially if he still has that thing under his jacket.
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #11…
Sometimes having an impromptu blonde moment actually works in your favour, as it did for this Australian guy last week, who forgot he had already bought a lottery ticket, and then bought a second one, using the same numbers.
It turned out that they were the lucky digits that week, and there were three winning tickets for the seventy million dollar jackpot. So instead of receiving just one third of the prizemoney, he walked away with over $46 million instead.
He had been playing the same numbers for over thirty years, and then – like the proverbial bus – two came along at once.
Dumb luck indeed.
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #10…
I’m actually going to go ahead and give this one to me, because if you can’t have a laugh at your own expense you shouldn’t be laughing at anyone else.
For many years I had trouble sleeping. I eventually did get to sleep every night, but it was usually a struggle to get there. I would often lie there, thinking about what I had done that day, or about what I was meant to be doing tomorrow. I’d think about my stories, and about what I had eaten for dinner. And yeah, sometimes – like the guy here – I’d be counting farmyard animals until even they had gone to sleep.
Silly as it may sound, I never actually knew how to get to sleep. Perhaps I did when I was a child, but somewhere along the line I forgot. When I was in my thirties I discussed this with my wife at the time. I explained to her that I would just lie there in bed, staring into the darkness, waiting for sleep to take me. I didn’t find it particularly funny, but she really laughed hard that night.
Apparently I was doing it wrong all along. She told me to try closing my eyes. That seemed like an odd concept to a fully-grown adult. That act felt like more of an effort in the search for sleep than simply letting my eyes fall shut naturally… but I tried it, and I haven’t looked back since.
So, you’re never too old to learn something new.
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #9…
This one goes to one of my young work colleagues… one who should probably remain nameless after this little inquiry. So let’s just call him Kieran.
“Don’t you think Dwayne Johnson and The Rock look like the same person?”, he asked.
Yes. They do.
I asked Kieran if he was serious, at which point he questioned whether or not he was thinking of the right… people.
Now, in his defence it would appear that he is not the only one who doesn’t know that The Rock and Dwayne Johnson do indeed share a passport, but I figured that someone in their early twenties would have their finger a little more directly on the pop culture pulse than he apparently does.
I wonder if he knows that J Lo is really just Jennifer Lopez.
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #8…
I’m aware that the people of the United States are apt to walk a little on the silly side from time to time, but making a goat the mayor of your town is a bit of a stretch, even for them. Except – in the absence of a compelling human candidate – that’s just what the people of Fair Haven, Vermont did earlier this month.
All right, it’s not quite as stupid as that, but it’s not that far off the mark.
Fair Haven is not a mayoral town therefore the post – won by a three year old Nubian goat called Lincoln, who collected more votes than any of his competitors; including dogs, cats, and a gerbil called Crystal – is purely an honourary thing, kind of like a mascot but with the power to raise taxes.
The whole thing was done to raise money to build a local playground, although they only brought in about a hundred bucks, so that will barely cover the cost of the shovels required to start the digging.
I can get with the sentiment though. It’s a worthy cause and a quirky way to go about paying for it, but when the Town Manager, Joseph Gunter claimed that the election was: “a good way to get the kids involved in local government”, I was suddenly reminded of what we were talking about.
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #7…
The family tree and how each branch interacts with each other always makes for interesting conversation. Who is your second cousin? Who is your third cousin twice removed? Are you allowed to marry your uncle? It’s this last question that got me thinking, which then led me down this rabbit hole.
Sologamy. The act of marrying yourself is a trend that is growing in popularity, because I guess that finding a life-partner really has become a chore in 2019. It’s not legal, of course, or recognised by any court in any land, but the fact that I’m even mentioning it here is head-shakingly crazy. Having said that, this is a world in which Tudder is a thing, so maybe not so much.
I always thought self-love involved my hand and my penis, but this kind of gratification is on a whole different level. What happens if you decide that you can no longer get along with yourself and want to go your separate ways? Maybe you can’t stand the sight of yourself anymore. Do you have to present yourself with divorce papers? Find a solicitor and split the cost?
And the kids – what happens to them?
So many questions…
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #6…
Companionship and compatibility can be extremely difficult to find, which is (at least partly) why dating websites are so popular these days. But let us not forget that all animals crave love, and cows are certainly no exception.
Introducing Tudder – a matchmaking application… for cattle.
Yes, it’s real. I downloaded the app just to make sure, which is where the screenshot came from. As you may have guessed, you swipe left if you’re not interested or right if you want to moo-ve the relationship along. Both are coupled with bovine sound effects, which is a cute touch.
There are approximately 50,000 cows on there, searching for their soul mate. That’s right. Fifty thousand. And while it is oddly more curiously compelling to judge a cow based purely on their aesthetics than it is a person, it is no less reductive.
I’m not really sure what that says about me, but one thing is certain: the whole thing is udderly ridiculous.
Sorry.
People Are All Kinds of Dumb #5…
With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, there’s no better article to highlight than this one, about a guy in New Zealand who is trying to flog his romantic services for money. It’s basically prostitution without the sex, although even that can be negotiated for a price.
Peter Wilding is – subjectively, of course – an average looking man, who seemingly possesses an above average sense of humour as well. He has a great variety of available packages for any girl who takes up his offer (and yes, he does specify he is only interested in members of the opposite sex). His deals start from as little as $15 for a one-hour morning meet-up, and go all the way up to a fifteen-hour overnight combo for a whopping $150.
It’s an attention-grabbing idea for sure, but whether it’s a desperate troll for love or money or both, once you put the silliness of it all to one side, it’s a little creepy and certainly open to abuse and conflict.
Maybe next year, just find a girl the old-fashioned way, Peter. Go to a bar and get a girl drunk like a normal bloke.
-- Purveyor of Imagination -- 